Almost ‘happy ending’

Yes, you read that right. Let me tell you in detail, how I got there.

My boyfriend had been going for reflexology sessions back in his town. A numb ankle from excessive driving being the main reason for it. This weekend he came down to spend sometime with me. Which meant he’d be missing the weekend sessions. We tried looking up to find some centres nearby that had reflexology but all of them said they were closed on weekends and he’d be going back home after anyway. So I thought, why not just go get a foot massage instead? May not have the same effect, but at least it’s something.

So I downloaded this app that I had repeatedly heard about on radio. They had offers on spas, salons and adventure activities. With a filter on ‘foot massage’ and 5km radius, we looked and found a few. Shortlisted one from the search and gave them a call.

Hi, can I book an appointment for a foot massage?

-Yes, how many persons? And what time?

2, is it possible to have it now?

-Yes, sure. Please don’t buy the coupon on the app. Come here and we’ll give you a discount. (Red flag)

Okay, sounds good, we thought and drove to the place. The spa was on the top most floor of a medium scale shopping mall. Seemed normal right? Got into the elevator and walked out to see this huge poster with the silhouette of a person in the yoga pose ‘baddhaa sukhasana‘, captioned ‘India got relaxed’ (red flag) we burst into a laughing fit just taking turns and repeating that phrase.

We were definitely reconsidering our decision of walking past those doors. But then, it was in a mall! I mean, how bad could it be, right? We went in and the security guard guided us to a reception area inside. The place was so dark, we actually took a while to accustom. I’ve never gotten a massage before, so I thought this is probably how it is. The guy who spoke to me on the phone welcomed us and took down our details. We paid for two foot massages and waited for our turn.

Meanwhile, the dude gets a phonecall and this is what he says to the person on the other end.

Yes sir, only female girls we have. All Thailand professionals. (Red flag)

You can imagine the look we had on our faces! We looked at each other and then away to avoid laughing. By now we had already paid so we just sat there looking at whatever interior decor was visible in that dim light. Five minutes later, this guy asked us to follow him inside from the reception. He showed us two different rooms for each of us.

Why the hell do we need two separate rooms for a foot massage?!I thought.

The room had no massage beds. It had a freaking double bed, I kid you not! I nervously went in and sat on one corner of the bed. I had such a terrible feeling about this, quickly picked my phone and texted the boyfriend.

I’m scared lol.

-Yeah, so shady dude

Please ask him if we can be together!!!

I hear him asking that guy about it and he screams out to two women asking if they’d massage two people together. They agreed and finally we both were sitting on two corners of this bed. A few minutes in, two women shake the curtain asking if we were ready. Yes, we said hesitantly.

Ready? What were we supposed to have done and be ready?

They come in with a bowl of lotion each. He asked them if we could turn on a light cause it was pretty dark. They turned on three more bulbs to no effect, it was still dark. They then asked us to lie down.

What the flying fuck? Who lies down for a foot freaking massage?! I scream in My head but do what they say. He gets the cute and young one, while I get the older one. They roll up our trousers till the knee and start. I eventually just try to relax and accept the situation. But the boyfriend still nervous as fuck lays there like he’s in a coffin. I let out half a giggle and look away to control it. They do their job with one foot and then the next, giggling and talking amongst themselves in their native language.

Almost felt like one of them said “I think they actually came for a massage.”

Mine was going pretty great with perfect pressure, but his seemed like some major foot groping. We just lay there, briefly making eye contact and then back to staring at the ceiling. 25 minutes later, they powdered up our feet and unrolled our trousers. So I figured it was done and just tried getting on my elbows when the lady climbed on to me. She literally climbed on to me! I fell back and continued with my staring at the ceiling game. Her hands on my hips very very close to my crotch, she started pressing. And all I could think of was “that’s not my foot, that’s not my freaking foot, lady!” The cute one was doing the same for him and I could only feel bad, the poor boy was still lying there like he was in a coffin. Five minutes of ‘hip’ massage later, they climbed down and asked if we liked that. I don’t even remember what we replied! We ran. Ran past the reception. Ran past the security. Ran past the door, into the elevator and burst out laughing!

What the fuck was that?!

-I’m sure people come here to get laid.

I need to scrape a layer of skin out! That bed! Ugh.

-never happening again!

Weirdest experience with you.

That’s currently the most action I’ve gotten from a girl. Well assured now, I’m straight af! lol

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